tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-89069529899766810672024-03-12T18:02:28.011-07:00Alot A JokesYo Mama Jokes, Redneck Jokes, One LinersAngelxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01085893987892458925noreply@blogger.comBlogger72125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8906952989976681067.post-38241580725878265992013-02-21T17:23:00.001-08:002013-02-21T17:23:45.679-08:00Funny work place signsFunny Work Place Signs<br />
1. On a Butcher’s window: “Let me meat your needs.”<br />
2. On another Butcher’s window: “Pleased to meat you.”<br />
3. At a Used Car Lot: “Second Hand cars in first crash condition.”<br />
4. On a fence: “Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.”<br />
5. At a Car Dealership: “The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.”<br />
6. Outside a Muffler Shop: “No appointment necessary. We’ll hear you coming.”<br />
7. Outside a Hotel: “Help! We need inn-experienced people.”<br />
8. At an Auto Body Shop: “May we have the next dents?”<br />
9. On a desk in a Reception Room: “We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left.”<br />
10. In a Cafeteria: “Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want.”<br />
Angelxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01085893987892458925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8906952989976681067.post-13025670687683561982011-11-01T05:06:00.000-07:002011-11-01T05:06:40.229-07:00You've Got Blonde<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiNckYRQ7xxw89koHPDYjQ3Bfl8niBAdXYtStcuPvkXrt-HZVAyuY4rZXV4U_H74UW_aYpXDL43Mb-qTqsvxa0HbcLhT-p0fWrE8E8EFPqce2YJN08eDsDqS590D9drApuUKDyMNZk3ucv/s1600/hot-chicks-with-guns-military21.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiNckYRQ7xxw89koHPDYjQ3Bfl8niBAdXYtStcuPvkXrt-HZVAyuY4rZXV4U_H74UW_aYpXDL43Mb-qTqsvxa0HbcLhT-p0fWrE8E8EFPqce2YJN08eDsDqS590D9drApuUKDyMNZk3ucv/s200/hot-chicks-with-guns-military21.jpg" width="176" /></a></div><br />
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. <br />
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As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. <br />
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Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?” <br />
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To which she replied, “There certainly is!” <br />
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My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”Angelxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01085893987892458925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8906952989976681067.post-46903910310678990032011-10-07T06:33:00.000-07:002011-10-07T06:33:14.916-07:00Blonde JokesA blonde went to a hair dresser's one day, listening to a walkman. The hair dresser asked her what she wanted, and the blonde replied, "I need to get my hair trimmed, just make sure that you do not take these headphones off." The woman looked at the funny blonde, surprised, but did as she was told. While she was brushing the blonde's hair, she accidentally bumped the headphones, knocking them to the ground. As she bent down to pick them up, the blonde fell over, onto the floor. The hair dresser was very confused. She picked up the head phones and listened. This is what she heard..."breath in...breath out...breath in...breath out..."!<br /><br />A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."<br /><br />A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.<br /><br />After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.Angelxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01085893987892458925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8906952989976681067.post-25821385488725461732011-08-17T05:28:00.001-07:002011-08-17T05:28:27.295-07:00Looking to buy a frog-Bar JokeA man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.<br />
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After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music.<br />
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While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.<br />
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"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!" "Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."Angelxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01085893987892458925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8906952989976681067.post-20452304726598000322011-05-11T05:00:00.000-07:002011-05-11T05:00:48.254-07:00Funny One Liner Jokes, Oneliners<a href="http://www.surfwiz.com/one-liners/oneliners.htm">Funny One Liner Jokes, Oneliners</a>: "Early to bed, early to rise makes people suspicious.<br /><br />Conclusion: the place where you got tired of thinking.<br /><br />Yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again.<br /><br />Money is the root of all wealth.<br /><br />Don't judge a book by its movie.<br /><br />With a calendar, your days are numbered.<br /><br />Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.<br /><br />People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.<br /><br />Bad spellers of the world untie.<br /><br />Friction is a drag.<br /><br />Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it<br /><br />Things are more like they used to be than they are now.<br /><br />If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?<br /><br />A clear conscience is merely the result of bad memory."Angelxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01085893987892458925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8906952989976681067.post-6475384924601074592011-02-08T05:26:00.000-08:002011-02-08T05:26:14.192-08:00Funny Bumper StickersMy karma ran over your dogma.<br />
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I brake for... wait... AAAH! NO BRAKES!!!!!<br />
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A fool and his money are a girl's best friend.<br />
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I'm not driving fast-just flying low.<br />
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Help starve a feeding bureaucrat.<br />
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My other vehicle is a Romulan Warbird!<br />
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Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.<br />
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"I is a college student."<br />
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If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.<br />
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Gravity- It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!<br />
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?<br />
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Life is too complicated in the morning.<br />
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All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.<br />
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The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography<br />
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Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody.<br />
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My wife said "If you go hunting or fishing one more time I'm going to leave you" ...I'm sure going to miss her.<br />
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Ask me about my vow of silence.<br />
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Today's subliminal message is: ( )<br />
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I love animals, they taste great.<br />
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EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.<br />
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"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."<br />
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Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.<br />
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The gene pool could use a little chlorine.<br />
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Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.<br />
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He who laughs last thinks slowest!<br />
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Give me ambiguity or give me something else.<br />
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A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.<br />
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Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.<br />
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Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.<br />
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The gene pool could use a little chlorine.<br />
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Your kid may be an honor student, but you're still an IDIOT!<br />
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Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.<br />
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I took an IQ test and the results were negative.<br />
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When there's a will, I want to be in it!<br />
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Tastes like chicken keep on licking. Tastes like trout get the fuck out!<br />
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It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.<br />
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Forget about World Peace....visualize using your turn signal.<br />
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Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.<br />
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.<br />
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We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.<br />
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Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.<br />
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Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?<br />
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Born free... taxed to death.<br />
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Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.<br />
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If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.<br />
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A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.<br />
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WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.<br />
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BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.<br />
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HORN DOES NOT WORK- WATCH FOR FINGER!<br />
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Don't blame me! I didn't vote!<br />
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Mopeds are like fat women. Fun to ride but you don't want to be seen with em!<br />
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If you can read this... Your parents will be home in two minutes.<br />
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Don't drink and drive.... You might hit a bump and spill your drink.<br />
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My Kid Beat Up Your Honor Student!Angelxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01085893987892458925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8906952989976681067.post-91179381709806592942011-01-18T06:15:00.000-08:002011-01-18T06:15:46.827-08:00Lawyer Jokes<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYx1HfC4OdzwWqKgPVBftzr6pMz08lvyjH1WgZ3inK2spbVQDHfZ2v7RUmfF6PdNOxM6PmviTo7rXS9JaiqzIq75ChM7mQN75Ql11ceZZUMDD_LzO6GbMQqeosB0hCcxxgzNHXS5rVaGZb/s1600/Lawyer+Jokes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="181" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYx1HfC4OdzwWqKgPVBftzr6pMz08lvyjH1WgZ3inK2spbVQDHfZ2v7RUmfF6PdNOxM6PmviTo7rXS9JaiqzIq75ChM7mQN75Ql11ceZZUMDD_LzO6GbMQqeosB0hCcxxgzNHXS5rVaGZb/s320/Lawyer+Jokes.jpg" width="180" /></a></div><br />
Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?<br />
A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!<br />
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Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?<br />
A: Shoot the lawyer twice.<br />
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Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?<br />
A: A good start!<br />
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Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?<br />
A: His lips are moving.<br />
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Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?<br />
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.<br />
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Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?<br />
A: Professional courtesy.<br />
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Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?<br />
A: Not enough sand.<br />
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Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?<br />
A: To practice.<br />
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A command was given to a dog: "SPEAK!"<br />
The dog said in return: "Not without my lawyer present!"<br />
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Q: Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop?<br />
A: Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and nightcrawlers<br />
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Q: Why are there so many lawyers in the U.S.?<br />
A: Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.<br />
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Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?<br />
A: The lawyer charges more.Angelxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01085893987892458925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8906952989976681067.post-33668465089354570492011-01-08T15:04:00.001-08:002011-01-08T15:04:12.521-08:00DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS<div class="body" style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">40-ish..............................49<br />
Adventurous.....................Slept with all your friends<br />
Athletic............................No boobs<br />
Average looking.................Ugly<br />
Beautiful...........................Pathological liar<br />
Contagious Smile................Does a lot of pills<br />
Emotionally secure..............On medication<br />
Feminist............................Fat<br />
Free spirit..........................Junkie<br />
Friendship first...................Former slut<br />
Fun..................................Annoying<br />
Gentle..............................Dull<br />
New Age...........................Body hair in the wrong places<br />
Open-minded.....................Desperate<br />
Outgoing...........................Loud and Embarrassing<br />
Passionate........................Sloppy drunk<br />
Poet.................................Depressive<br />
Professional.......................Bitch<br />
Romantic...........................Frigid<br />
Voluptuous........................Very Fat<br />
Large frame.......................Hugely Fat<br />
Wants Soul mate................Stalker<br />
Widow..............................Murderer</div>Angelxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01085893987892458925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8906952989976681067.post-26431817284286292242011-01-01T07:19:00.001-08:002011-01-01T07:19:30.386-08:00Funny Cat JokesCat Joke 1<br />
Brother: Did you put the cat out ? Sister: Why, is it on fire ?<br />
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Cat Joke 2<br />
A woman is walking in the park when she sees a man playing chess with his cat. She says to the man “I can’t believe what I m seeing, a cat that plays chess, what a clever animal!!” The man replied “Nah lady this cats not clever at all I m beating it 6 games to 1″<br />
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Cat Joke 3<br />
Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, “Whatcha doing, Tim?” “My goldfish died,” replied the boy tearfully, without looking up. “And I’ve just buried him.” The neighbor was concerned. “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?” Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your cat.”<br />
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Cat Joke 4<br />
Q: When is a bad time to cross a black cat? A: When you are a mouse!<br />
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Cat Joke 5<br />
Q: Where did the kittens go on their class trip? – A: To a mewseum.<br />
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Cat Joke 6<br />
Q: What do you call the loser in a hissing, scratching cat fight? – A: Claude<br />
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Cat Joke 7<br />
Q: What do cats like to eat on a hot day? – A: Mice cream<br />
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Cat Joke 8<br />
Q: What do you call it when a cat bites? – A: Catnip!<br />
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Cat Joke 9<br />
Q: What did the female cat say to the male cat? – A: You re the purrfect cat for me!<br />
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Cat Joke 10<br />
Q: Why do cats like to hear other cats make noise? – A: It’s meow-sic to their ears!<br />
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Cat Joke 11<br />
Q: What’s every cat’s favorite song? – A: Three Blind Mice!<br />
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Cat Joke 12<br />
Q: Where do cats write down notes? – A: Scratch Paper!<br />
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Cat Joke 13<br />
Q: Why does everyone love cats? – A: They re purr-fect!<br />
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Cat Joke 14<br />
Q: What do you call a cat who eats lemons? – A: A sourpuss!<br />
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Cat Joke 15<br />
Q: What do you call a cat Who’s joined the Red Cross? – A: A first-aid kit!Angelxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01085893987892458925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8906952989976681067.post-12763152967389661742010-12-05T10:34:00.001-08:002010-12-05T10:34:44.158-08:00Funny Christmas Jokes<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Question and Answer Christmas Jokes</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: What do elves learn in school?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: The Elf-abet!</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: What's the most popular wine at Christmas?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: "I don't like sprouts" !</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: Missletoe!</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: Frostbite.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: Because he had low elf esteem.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><img alt="" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-855" height="480" src="http://funnypicblast.com/wp-content/uploads/funny_christmas_pictures_dog.jpg" style="cursor: move;" title="funny_christmas_pictures_dog" width="350" /></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: So he can ho-ho-ho.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: Where do polar bears vote?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: The North Poll.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: Ribbon hood.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter ?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: Because it's to far to walk.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: Forty feet of track - all straight!</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: What kind of bird can write?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: A PENguin.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
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</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: How does Al Gore's household keep Christmas politically correct?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: On Christmas morning, they give the presents TO the tree.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: Sandy Claus!</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: Fleece Navidad!</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: What nationality is Santa Claus?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: North Polish.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: Because it has long-distance runners on each side.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: Crisp Cringle.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: We'll have a boo Christmas without you.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: Okay everyone, sack time!!</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: Snowflakes.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: A subordinate claus.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: He wanted to sleep like a log.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: Because the angel had said, "No L!"</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: Santa caught in a revolving door!</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: Because it " soots " him!</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: Pour Santa flush on him.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer now works for Proctor and Gambel?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: Its true . . . Comet cleans sinks!</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: Claustrophobic.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: Because every buck is dear to him.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer "Olive" ?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names"</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet of handkerchiefs for Christmas?Q: Olive ?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names"</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: Olive?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names"</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: What was so good about he neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: It was wound up already.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Q: What's a good holiday tip?</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.</div>Angelxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01085893987892458925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8906952989976681067.post-60407252973983196392010-12-03T07:47:00.001-08:002010-12-03T07:48:15.930-08:00Yo Mama So FatYo mamma so fat I took a picture of her last christmas and its still printing<br />
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Yo mamma so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of George Washington’s nose.<br />
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Yo mama so fat she’s got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book.<br />
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Yo mama so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.<br />
<a href="http://funnypicblast.com/2009/02/yo-mama-so-fat-jokesyo-mama-so-fat-jokes/"><img alt="funny_fat_03" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-1095" height="180" src="http://funnypicblast.com/wp-content/uploads/funny_fat_03.jpg" title="funny_fat_03" width="310" /></a><br />
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Yo mama is so fat, she got arrested at the airport for ten pounds of crack<br />
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Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.<br />
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Yo mama so fat when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to land on her<br />
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Yo mama so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.<br />
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Yo mama so fat her beeper went off and people thought she was backing up.Angelxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01085893987892458925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8906952989976681067.post-32829028142028961052010-11-26T09:07:00.004-08:002011-01-01T07:21:43.330-08:00Fail Black Friday<img width="400" height="296" alt="Fail Black Friday" src="http://funnypicblast.com/wp-content/imgdir/main/2010_11/fail-owned-babysitter-fail.jpg" class="photoQcontent photoQImg" /><br/> <div class="photoQDescr">Fail Owned Babysitter </div>Angelxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01085893987892458925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8906952989976681067.post-48005028605490667472010-11-26T09:07:00.003-08:002011-01-01T07:21:43.334-08:00Fail motorcycle ride<img width="348" height="306" alt="Fail motorcycle ride" src="http://funnypicblast.com/wp-content/imgdir/main/2010_11/failmotorcycle.jpg" class="photoQcontent photoQImg" /><br/> <div class="photoQDescr">Six riders one helmet, sweet.....</div>Angelxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01085893987892458925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8906952989976681067.post-33387006624520243752010-11-24T23:57:00.000-08:002010-11-29T19:29:38.906-08:00Funny Thanksgiving QuotesCheck out favorite quotes about Thanksgiving from comedians like Jon Stewart, Jim Gaffigan, Johnny Carson and more.<br />
<a href="http://funnypicblast.com/2010/11/thanksgiving-quotes/%20?"><img alt="" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-2291" height="160" src="http://funnypicblast.com/wp-content/uploads/turkey-1.jpg" title="turkey (1)" width="160" /></a>Jon Stewart: "I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land."<br />
<a href="http://funnypicblast.com/2010/11/thanksgiving-quotes/jimgaffgan/" rel="attachment wp-att-2292"><img alt="" class="alignnone size-thumbnail wp-image-2292" height="150" src="http://funnypicblast.com/wp-content/uploads/jimgaffgan-150x150.jpg" title="jimgaffgan" width="150" /></a>Jim Gaffigan: "Thanksgiving. It's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. 'Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?' 'But we do that every day!' 'Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?'"<br />
<a href="http://funnypicblast.com/2010/11/thanksgiving-quotes/colbert/" rel="attachment wp-att-2293"><img alt="" class="alignnone size-thumbnail wp-image-2293" height="150" src="http://funnypicblast.com/wp-content/uploads/colbert-150x150.jpg" title="colbert" width="150" /></a><br />
Stephen Colbert: "Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car."<br />
<a href="http://funnypicblast.com/2010/11/thanksgiving-quotes/kevinkjames/" rel="attachment wp-att-2294"><img alt="" class="alignnone size-thumbnail wp-image-2294" height="150" src="http://funnypicblast.com/wp-content/uploads/kevinkjames-150x150.jpg" title="kevinkjames" width="150" /></a><br />
Kevin James: "Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants."Angelxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01085893987892458925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8906952989976681067.post-91638422018588710792010-11-10T01:46:00.000-08:002010-11-28T09:21:06.339-08:00Funny Redneck Jokes<a href="http://funnypicblast.com/2010/11/funny-redneck-jokes/"><img src="http://funnypicblast.com/wp-content/uploads/redneckfunnydudes.jpg" alt="redneckfunnydudes" title="redneckfunnydudes" width="269" height="188" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-2240" /></a><br/>Redneck Joke 01<br/>You might be a redneck if a full tank of gas doubles the value of your truck.<br/><br/>Redneck Joke 02<br/>You might be a redneck if a woman says she’s game, so you shoot her.<br/><br/>Redneck Joke 03<br/>You might be a redneck if all of the light switches in your house are wired to turn on the light on the front porch.<br/><br/>Redneck Joke 04<br/>You might be a redneck if all of your favorite shirts came with a two-pack purchase of cigarettes.<br/><br/>Redneck Joke 05<br/>You might be a redneck if all you want for Christmas is deer pee.<br/><br/>Redneck Joke 06<br/>You might be a redneck if an expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.<br/><br/>Redneck Joke 07<br/>You might be a redneck if any of your children were conceived under a stop light.<br/><br/>Redneck Joke 08<br/>You might be a redneck if any of your hobbies require dogs and a lantern.<br/><br/>Redneck Joke 09<br/>You might be a redneck if any of your honeymoon plans involve a deer camp.<br/><br/>Redneck Joke 10<br/>You might be a redneck if anyone in your family has ever purchased peroxide in a gallon container.Angelxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01085893987892458925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8906952989976681067.post-9347981539723294362010-11-02T06:17:00.000-07:002011-01-01T07:21:43.337-08:00Inspirational sayings<a href="http://funnypicblast.com/2010/11/inspirational-sayings/"><img src="http://funnypicblast.com/wp-content/uploads/smiles.jpg" alt="smiles" title="smiles" width="136" height="117" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-2210" /></a>"Laughter is the shock absorber that eases the blows of life."<br/>"We're to blessed to be depressed."<br/><br/>"Failure is the mother of success."<br/><br/>"Do not take life too seriously. <br/>You will never get out of it alive."<br/><br/>"Snowflakes are some of nature's most fragile things, <br/>but just look what happens when they stick together."<br/><br/>"Everyone gets butterflies - the trick is getting them to fly in formation."<br/><br/>"Change is inevitable except from a vending machine."<br/><br/>"Love is what makes two people sit in the middle of a bench <br/>when there is plenty of room at both ends."<br/><br/>"You don't want everything, think about it where would you put it?"<br/><br/>"The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. <br/>It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale." <br/>Arthur C. Clarke<br/><br/>"A smile is a curve that sets everything straight." <br/>Phyllis Diller<br/><br/>"A laugh is a smile that bursts." <br/>Mary H. Waldrip<br/><br/>"A comedian does funny things.<br/>A good comedian does things funny." <br/>Buster Keaton<br/><br/>"If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything." <br/>Mark TwainAngelxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01085893987892458925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8906952989976681067.post-67088891817989898912010-10-22T05:56:00.000-07:002011-01-01T07:19:48.530-08:00Funny Amazing Facts<a href="http://funnypicblast.com/2010/10/funny-amazing-facts/"><img src="http://funnypicblast.com/wp-content/uploads/applemonster.jpg" alt="applemonster" title="applemonster" width="200" height="252" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-2199" /></a>A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.<br/><br/>A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.<br/><br/>A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.<br/><br/>A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.<br/><br/>A snail can sleep for three years.<br/><br/><a href="http://funnypicblast.com/2010/10/funny-amazing-facts/"><img src="http://funnypicblast.com/wp-content/uploads/bananadog.jpg" alt="bananadog" title="bananadog" width="256" height="177" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-2200" /></a>February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.<br/><br/>If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.<br/><br/>If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.<br/><a href="http://funnypicblast.com/2010/10/funny-amazing-facts/"><img src="http://funnypicblast.com/wp-content/uploads/kiwi.jpg" alt="kiwi" title="kiwi" width="251" height="201" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-2201" /></a><br/>It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.<br/><br/>On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.<br/><br/>Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but mens noses and ears never stop growing.<br/><br/>When Coca-Cola began to be sold in China, they used characters that would sound like "Coca-Cola" when spoken. Unfortunately, what they turned out to mean was "Bite the wax tadpole". It did not sell well.<br/><br/>Tomatoes and cucumbers are fruits.<br/><a href="http://funnypicblast.com/2010/10/funny-amazing-facts/"><img src="http://funnypicblast.com/wp-content/uploads/orangemad.jpg" alt="orangemad" title="orangemad" width="254" height="198" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-2202" /></a><br/>Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance<br/><br/>Women blink nearly twice as much as men.<br/><br/>Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.Angelxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01085893987892458925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8906952989976681067.post-73877036845565853242010-10-10T10:54:00.000-07:002010-11-28T09:21:06.340-08:00Redneck Computer Terms<a href="http://funnypicblast.com/2010/10/redneck-computer-terms/"><img src="http://funnypicblast.com/wp-content/uploads/redneckbelly.jpg" alt="redneckbelly" title="redneckbelly" width="269" height="188" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-2196" /></a>Hard drive - Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.<br/><br/>Keyboard - Place to hang your truck keys. <br/><br/>Window - Place in the truck to hang your guns.<br/><br/>Modem - How you got rid of your dandelions. Usage: "We gonna modem dandelions"<br/><br/>ROM - Liquor often mixed with Coke<br/><br/>Byte - Beginning of an insult, often followed by the word "me" or "this"<br/><br/>Cursor - The person doing the cursing. What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend.<br/><br/>Tab - What you owe the bartender<br/><br/>Shift - How you get to a different gear.<br/><br/>RAM - Great truck<br/><br/>Edit - Past tense of "eat" "Wher'd that leftover possum belly go?" " You edit afore you passed out las nite. <br/><br/>Internet - Where her fish were when she caught em ( In er net).<br/><br/>Fonts - That really cool guy from the show, Happy Days.<br/><br/>Laptop - Where the stripper sits.Angelxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01085893987892458925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8906952989976681067.post-77129865160280944812010-09-12T12:45:00.000-07:002010-11-28T09:21:06.342-08:00You Are A Redneck If These apply to you<a href="http://funnypicblast.com/2010/09/you-are-a-redneck-if-these-apply-to-you"><img src="http://funnypicblast.com/wp-content/uploads/redneck.jpg" alt="redneck" title="redneck" width="277" height="182" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-2175" /></a>The primary color of your car is "bondo".<br/><br/>You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.<br/><br/>You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.<br/><br/>Your family tree doesn't fork.<br/><br/>Your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.<br/><br/>Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event.<br/><br/>You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.<br/><br/>More than one living relative is named after a southern civil war general.<br/><br/>Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.<br/><br/>You've ever used lard in bed.<br/><br/>Your home has more miles on it than your car.<br/><br/>The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.<br/><br/>The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.<br/><br/>Your brother-in-law is your uncle.<br/><br/>Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.<br/><br/>The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.<br/><br/>You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.<br/><br/>You prominently display a gifts bought at Graceland.<br/><br/>You use the term `over yonder' more than once a month.<br/><br/>The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".Angelxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01085893987892458925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8906952989976681067.post-10200758729210323062010-09-08T10:06:00.000-07:002010-11-28T09:21:06.344-08:002010 Redneck Census FormThe official year 2010 Redneck Census Form:<br/><a href="http://funnypicblast.com/2010/09/redneck-census/"><img src="http://funnypicblast.com/wp-content/uploads/rednecklady.jpg" alt="rednecklady" title="rednecklady" width="200" height="251" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-2169" /></a><br/>Last name: _______________________<br/>First name: (Check appropriate box)<br/>(_)Billy-Bob<br/>(_)Billy-Joe<br/>(_)Billy-Ray<br/>(_)Billy-Sue<br/>(_)Billy-Mae<br/>(_)Billy-Jack<br/><br/>What does everyone call you?<br/>(_)Booger<br/>(_)Bubba<br/>(_)Junior<br/>(_)Sissy<br/>(_)Other____________<br/><br/>Age:____ (if unsure,guess)<br/><br/>Sex:____ M ____ F ____Not sure<br/><br/>Shoe size:____ Left ____ Right<br/><br/>Occupation:(Check appropriate box)<br/>(_)Farmer<br/>(_)Mechanic<br/>(_)Hair Dresser<br/>(_)Unemployed<br/>(_)Dirty Politician<br/>(_)Preacher<br/><br/>Spouse's Name:_____________<br/><br/>2nd Spouse's Name:_______________<br/><br/>3rd Spouse's Name:_______________<br/><br/>Lover's Name:_______________<br/><br/>Relationship with spouse:(Check appropriate box)<br/>(_)Sister<br/>(_)Brother<br/>(_)Aunt<br/>(_)Uncle<br/>(_)Cousin<br/>(_)Mother<br/>(_)Father<br/>(_)Son<br/>(_)Daughter<br/>(_)Pet<br/><br/>Number of children living in the home:_____<br/><br/>Number of the children living in the shed:_____<br/><br/>Number that are yours:_____<br/><br/>Mother's Name:____________________(If not sure, leave blank)<br/><br/>Father's Name:____________________(If not sure, leave blank)<br/><br/>Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade commpleted)<br/><br/>(Check appropriate box)<br/>Total number of vehicles you own:___<br/>Number of vehicles that still crank:___<br/>Number of vehicles in front yard:___<br/>Number of vehicles in the back yard:___<br/>Number of vehicles on cement blocks:___<br/><br/>Firearms you own and where you keep them:<br/>____truck<br/>____bedroom<br/>____bathroom<br/>____kitchen<br/>____shed<br/><br/>Model and year of your pickup:196_<br/><br/>Do you have a gun rack?<br/>(_)Yes (_)No; If no, please explain:<br/><br/>Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:<br/>(_)The National Enquirer<br/>(_)The Globe<br/>(_)TV Guide<br/>(_)Soap Opera Digest<br/>(_)Rifle and Shotgun<br/><br/>Number of times you've seen a UFO:_____<br/>Number of times in the last 5 years you've seen Elvis:___<br/>Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO:____<br/><br/>How often do you bathe?<br/>(_)Weekly<br/>(_)Monthly<br/>(_)Not Applicable<br/><br/>Color of eyes:<br/>Left_____ Right_____<br/><br/>Color of hair:<br/>(_)Blond<br/>(_)Black<br/>(_)Red<br/>(_)Brown<br/>(_)White<br/>(_)Clairol<br/><br/>Color of teeth:<br/>(_)White<br/>(_)Yellow<br/>(_)Brownish-Yellow<br/>(_)Brown<br/>(_)Black<br/>(_)N/A<br/><br/>Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:<br/>(_)Red-Man<br/><br/>How far is your home from a paved road?<br/><br/>(_)1 mile<br/>(_)2 miles<br/>(_)just a whoop-and-a-holler<br/>(_)road?Angelxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01085893987892458925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8906952989976681067.post-11522408900047384002010-08-09T03:40:00.000-07:002010-11-29T19:32:41.073-08:00Funny Pickup Lines<a href="http://funnypicblast.com/2010/08/more-funny-pickup-lines/"><img alt="hotcollegechicks1" class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-2128" height="300" src="http://funnypicblast.com/wp-content/uploads/hotcollegechicks11-278x300.jpg" title="hotcollegechicks1" width="278" /></a><br />
Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got FINE written all over you.<br />
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Hi, who's your friend?<br />
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Are you an Alien? [No, why?] Because you just abducted my heart.<br />
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I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?<br />
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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.<br />
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Can I borrow your library card? [Why?] Cause I'm checking you out.<br />
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Drop an ice cube and say 'Now that we've broken the ice, my name is...'<br />
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Are you bored? [No, why?] Because i really want to nail you.<br />
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Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again?<br />
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Are those astronaunt pants? Cause that ass is out of this world!<br />
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Are you sure that you're not a microwave oven? Because, you sure make my heart melt!<br />
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Your feet must be tired, because you've been running through my mind all day long.<br />
<br />
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.<br />
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If I followed you home, would you keep me?<br />
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You must be the cause of global warming!<br />
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Are you from Tennessee? [No, why?] Because you're the only 10 I see!<br />
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What's your sign?<br />
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I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?<br />
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Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?<br />
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Got any raisins? [No.] Then how about a date?Angelxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01085893987892458925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8906952989976681067.post-46482354784914820232010-07-14T09:45:00.000-07:002010-11-29T19:31:15.785-08:00Funny Quotes<a href="http://funnypicblast.com/2010/07/funny-quotes/"><img alt="pistol panda-usa-china" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-2104" height="400" src="http://funnypicblast.com/wp-content/uploads/pistol-panda-usa-china.jpg" title="pistol panda-usa-china" width="397" /></a><br />
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. <br />
Groucho Marx <br />
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A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself. <br />
Josh Billings <br />
<br />
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. <br />
Erma Bombeck <br />
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A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. <br />
George Bernard Shaw <br />
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. <br />
Groucho Marx <br />
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A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live. <br />
Bob Hope <br />
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A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. <br />
H. L. Mencken <br />
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A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.<br />
Steven Wright <br />
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A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore. <br />
Yogi Berra <br />
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A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice. <br />
Bill Cosby <br />
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Airplanes may kill you, but they ain't likely to hurt you. <br />
Satchel Paige <br />
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Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse. <br />
Groucho Marx <br />
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All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.<br />
Casey Stengel <br />
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All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt. <br />
Charles M. SchulzAngelxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01085893987892458925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8906952989976681067.post-16610215225973210272010-07-10T04:15:00.000-07:002011-01-01T07:21:43.341-08:00Funny One Liner Jokes-Why Ask?<a href="http://funnypicblast.com/2010/07/funny-one-liner-jokes-why-ask/"><img src="http://funnypicblast.com/wp-content/uploads/chicken.jpg" alt="chicken" title="chicken" width="116" height="116" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-2091" /></a><br/>Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?<br/><br/>"Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted."<br/><br/>What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?<br/><br/>If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?<br/><br/>Can you be a closet claustrophobic?<br/><br/>Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?<br/><br/>If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?<br/><br/>If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?<br/><br/>Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?<br/><br/>Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?<br/><br/>If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?<br/><br/>If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?<br/><br/>Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?<br/><br/>Is it possible to be totally partial?<br/><br/>Would a fly without wings be called a walk?<br/><br/>If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?<br/><br/>If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?<br/><br/>When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?<br/><br/>Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?<br/><br/>How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?<br/><br/>If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?<br/><br/>If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?<br/><br/>Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist<br/><br/>but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?<br/><br/>Why do croutons come in airtight packages?<br/><br/>Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?<br/><br/>If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?<br/><br/>Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?<br/><br/> If "Q" were castrated, would he become "O"?<br/><br/>If Superman could stop bullets with his chest, <br/>why did he always duck when someone threw a gun at him?<br/><br/>Isn't Disney World a people trap run by a mouse?<br/><br/>Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?<br/><br/>Where does the fire go when the fire goes out?<br/><br/>What's another word for synonym?<br/><br/>So what's the speed of dark?<br/><br/>Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking?<br/><br/>If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding,<br/>what is it expanding into?<br/><br/>Why do they call it the Department of Interior<br/>when they are in charge of everything outdoors?<br/><br/>Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?<br/><br/>Why is it that in the US:<br/>If you take off all your clothes and walk down the street waving a machete and firing an Uzi,<br/>terrified citizens will phone the police and report: "There's a naked person outside!"Angelxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01085893987892458925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8906952989976681067.post-45214915807593558052010-03-12T10:18:00.000-08:002010-11-28T09:25:09.598-08:00The blondes and the Double Decker Bus<a href="http://funnypicblast.com/2010/03/the-blondes-and-the-double-decker-bus"><img src="http://funnypicblast.com/wp-content/uploads/what-was-i-going-to-say-sexy-look-say-blonde.jpg" alt="what-was-i-going-to-say-sexy-look-say-blonde" title="what-was-i-going-to-say-sexy-look-say-blonde" width="265" height="331" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-2007" /></a><br/>There's a double decker bus driving down the street full of passengers, blonde and brunette.<br/><br/>On the lower level of the bus, the brunettes are having a good time, talking, laughing, and singing along to the music playing.<br/><br/>On the upper part of the bus, the blondes are seated... they're in a panic. They're screaming, terrified, and holding onto each other as the bus moves along the street.<br/><br/>Finally, a brunette gets up and walks to the top of the bus to ask whats wrong, and one of the blonde's replies, "what's wrong?!? well, you'd be screaming too if you didnt have a driver!!!"Angelxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01085893987892458925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8906952989976681067.post-19970714913560042582010-03-01T06:09:00.000-08:002010-11-28T09:21:06.346-08:00Redneck Joke:Expensive Fishing Trip<a href="http://funnypicblast.com/2010/03/redneck-jokeexpensive-fishing-trip"><img src="http://funnypicblast.com/wp-content/uploads/RedneckIceFishing-300x225.jpg" alt="RedneckIceFishing" title="RedneckIceFishing" width="300" height="225" class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-1985" /></a>Two redneck guys go on a fishing trip. <br/><br/>They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods.<br/><br/>They spend a fortune.<br/><br/>The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything.<br/><br/>The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day.<br/><br/>It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.<br/><br/>As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"<br/><br/>The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"Angelxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01085893987892458925noreply@blogger.com0