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Monday
Thursday
Relationship Joke-0 to 200 in 6 seconds
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
Saturday
Funny Yo Mama Jokes-Yo Mama So Ugly
Funny yo mama Jokes! The funniest yo mama jokes from around the world!Yo Mama So Ugly
Yo Mama So Ugly she put the Boogie man outta business.
Yo Mama So Ugly when she wobbles down the street in September, folk say, "Damn it, can't believe it's Halloween already..."
Yo Mama So Ugly when she applied for the ugly contest they told her 'NO Professionals'
Yo Mama So Ugly she looked out her window and was arrested for indecent exposure!
Yo Mama So Ugly minutes after she was born her Mother shouted 'What a treasure!" and her Poppa said "Yes, now let's go and bury her..."
Yo Mama So Ugly they push her face into the dough mixture when making Monster cookies.
Yo Mama So Ugly when they took her to the Beautician it took 10 hours....and that was just for the quote!
Yo Mama So Ugly yer Daddy takes her to work each day so he doesny have to kiss her goodbye...
Yo Mama So Ugly she put Marilyn Manson out of business.
Yo Mama So Ugly she was a guard at Snake Mountain
Yo Mama So Ugly they knew what time she was born cuz her face stopped the clock...
Yo Mama So Ugly even Harry Knowles refused to date her.
Yo Mama So Ugly they embalmed her face on a box of super-strength laxatives and sold it empty!
Yo Mama So Ugly she gets 364 extra days just to dress up for Halloween.
Yo Mama So Ugly Tony Blair moved Halloween to her birthday.
Yo Mama So Ugly you papa throws the ugly stick and she goes fetches it every time.
Yo Mama So Ugly she scared the stitching outta Frankenstein.
Yo Mama So Ugly we had to tie a steak round her neck so the dogs would play with her.
Yo Mama So Ugly I heard yer Father first met her at the Zoo.
Yo Mama So Ugly her shadow gave up.
Yo Mama So Ugly people at the Zoo pay cash so they DON't have to see her...
Yo Mama So Ugly her mom had to be Pissed drunk just to breast feed her.
Yo Mama So Ugly when born, the doctors had to fit her incubator with tinted windows.
Yo Mama So Ugly hotel managers use her picture to keep away the Rats.
Yo Mama So Ugly instead of round the ankles, they put the Bungee Jumping cord round her neck.
Yo Mama So Ugly they gave her a middle name...'accident'.
Yo Mama So Ugly she fell out of the Ugly Tree, hitting every branch on the way down.
Yo Mama So Ugly when she walked into the Haunted House, she came back out with a Job Application!
Yo Mama So Ugly even Slicky Willy Clinton refused to sleep with her...
Yo Mama So Ugly when she was born the Doc smacked her face.
Monday
Blonde Jokes-Three Blondes Fishing
Three Blondes Fishing
Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."
"We don't have any," replied the first blonde.
"Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses," said the Game Warden.
"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."
The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden. "Take all the debris you want." And with that, he left.
As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two. "Doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?"
Meteor Crater
As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system.
"Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep."
From the cabin, a blonde passenger was heard to exclaim, "Wow! It just missed the highway!"
Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."
"We don't have any," replied the first blonde.
"Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses," said the Game Warden.
"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."
The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden. "Take all the debris you want." And with that, he left.
As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two. "Doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?"
Meteor Crater
As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system.
"Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep."
From the cabin, a blonde passenger was heard to exclaim, "Wow! It just missed the highway!"
Wednesday
Blonde Jokes
Q. What do you call a blonde in the closet?
A. The 1984 hide and go seek champion.
What Kind of Tracks Are They?
Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks."
The second blonde said, "No, those are elk tracks."
The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."
The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.
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