Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The blond with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."
Friday
To Be Fair, Blondes Are Not the Only Ones To Lock Their Keys In the Car
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The blond with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."
Tuesday
This Proves Blondes Are Smart
This Proves Blondes Really Are SmartA blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap. Politely she declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.
"Okay," says the lawyer," your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.00.
The blonde says, "Thank you," puts her head on the pillow and goes back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
Thursday
Top 30 Movie One-Liners
1.Frankenstein , (1931) “It’s Alive! It’s Alive!”, Dr. Henry Frankenstein (Colin Clive)2. Every Day’s a Holiday, (1937), “You ought to get out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini.”, Larmadou Graves (Charles Butter worth)
3. Gone With the Wind , (1939), “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn”, Rhett Butler (Clark Gable)
4. The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes , (1939), “Elementary, my dear Watson”, Sherlock Holmes (Basil Rathbone)
5.The Wizard of Oz , (1939), “Toto, I’ve got a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore”, Dorothy (Judy Garland)
6. The Wizard of Oz , (1939), “There’s no place like home”, Dorothy (Judy Garland)
7. The Wizard of Oz , (1939), “I’ll get you, my pretty. And your little dog too”, Wicked Witch of the West (Margaret Hamilton)
8. Casablanca , (1942), “Here’s looking at you, kid”, Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart)
9. Casablanca , (1942), “Play it again, Sam”, Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart)
10.Casablanca , (1942), “Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship”, Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart)
11. Casablanca , (1942), “We’ll always have Paris”, Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart)
12. Casablanca , (1942), “Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine”, Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart)
13. Yankee Doddle Dandy , (1942), “My mother thanks you. My father thanks you. My sister thanks you. And I thank you”, George Cohan (James Cagney)
14. All About Eve, (1950), “Fasten your seatbelts. It’s going to be a bumpy ride”, Margo Channing (Bette Davis)
15. A Streetcar Named Desire , (1951), “I have always depended on the kindness of strangers”, Blanche DuBois (Vivien Leigh)
16. Psycho , (1960), “We all go a little mad sometimes”, Norman Bates (Anthony Perkins)
17. Dr. No , (1962), “Bond. James Bond.” James Bond (Sean Connery)
18. Goldfinger , (1964), “Shaken – Not stirred”, James Bond (Sean Connery)
19. Cool Hand Luke , (1967), “What we have here is a failure to communicate”, Captain (Strother Martin)
20. In the Heat of the Night , (1967), “They call me Mr. Tibbs”, Virgil Tibbs (Sidney Portier)
21. Dirty Harry , (1971), “Do ya feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk”, Inspector “Dirty” Harry Callahan (Clint Eastwood)
22. The Godfather , (1972), “I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse”, Michael Corleone (Al Pacino)
23. The Godfather , (1972), “Don’t ask me about my business, Kay”, Michael Corleone (Al Pacino)
24. The Godfather , (1972), “This isn’t personal, Kay. This is business”, Michael Corleone (Al Pacino)
25. The Godfather: Part 2, (1974), “Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer”, Michael Corleone (Al Pacino)
26. Rocky , (1976), “Yo, Adrienne”, Rocky Balboa (Sylvester Stallone)
27. Taxi Driver , (1976), “You talkin’ to me”, Travis Bickle (Robert DeNiro)
28. Star Wars , (1977), “Get this big walking carpet out of my way”, Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher)
29. Star Wars , (1977), “May the force be with you”, Hans Solo (Harrison Ford)
30. Apocalypse Now, (1979), “I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It smells like victory”, Lieutenant Colonel Bill Kilgore (Robert Duvall)
Friday
Funny Pickup Lines
Do not use these pickup lines in a bar you will fail!(Close hand with nothing inside and give it to her) It's my breath from when you took it away (open palm while saying this).
Coffee? Tea? Me?
Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!
Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
Did you have Campbell's soup today? (she answers yes/no) Because you're lookin' mmm... mmm... good!
Do you have room in your life for another friend?
Do you have the time? [Gives the time] No, the time to write down my number?
Do you know karate? 'Cause your body is really kickin'.
Does Levi's pay you for wearing those and looking that good?
Does my breath smell okay?
Does your watch have a second hand? I want to know how long it took for me to fall in love with you.
Don't walk into that building -- the sprinklers might go off!
Don't you know me from somewhere?
Ever since I met you, you've lived in my heart without paying any rent.
Excuse me miss, I don't mean to stare, but um I think you're really Beautiful"
Excuse me miss... Do you have a cigarette? Actually, I don't want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.
Excuse me miss? You dropped something back there? (As you look around you ask "where") Over there! (Ask again: "What did I drop?") He answers back: My jaw!
Excuse me, but did you happen to find my Nobel Peace Prize?
Excuse me, I don't want you to think I'm ridiculous or anything, but you are the most gorgeous girl/guy I have ever seen. I just felt like I had to tell you.
Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.
Excuse me, I think you have something in your eye. Nope, it's just a sparkle.
Monday
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