Blonde Painting

Painting a Room
A blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart and capable by painting a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she buys paint and rollers and gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive odor of fresh paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time.
He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies "yes."
He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house by herself.
He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat.
She replies that she read the directions on the paint can and they said....
"FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS."

Dumb Blonde Jokes

Q:What do you call an intelligent blonde?
A:A Golden Retriever.

Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.

Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.

Q: What do you call a brunette standing between two blondes?
A: An interpreter.

Q. What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
A. Pregnant!

Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
A: Because it said "Concentrate."

Q: How can you tell if a fax came from a blonde?
A: It has a stamp on it.

Q: Why do blondes have "TGIF" on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.

Q: Why shouldn't blondes have coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

Q: How do you put a twinkle in a blonde's eye?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ear.

The Red Head

The Redhead
A young Redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible", says the doctor. "Show me."

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams.

The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"

"No, " she says, " I'm actually a Blonde."

"I thought so, the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."

The Smart Blonde

A blonde woman boards an airplane. She is extremely exhausted and just wants to take a nap. She finally finds her seat and sits down next to a very curious young man.

He wants to test the whole dub blonde thing and possibly make some money out of it. "Hey, wanna play a game?" he asks her. "No thank you, i just want to take a nap." "Please, its really easy, all you have to do is answer the questions that i ask you. If you don't know the answer, then you give me five dollars, and if I don't know the answer to your question, then Ill give you five dollars."

"I really don't want to do this. I just want to take a nap."

"Oh but PLEASE pretty please. Okay, how about if I don't know the answer to your question, I'll give you five hundred dollars." The blonde woman became interested and decided to play the game.

"Okay. How many moons does jupiter have?" the young man asked. The woman reached into her purse and took out a five dollar bill. "What goes up the mountain with three legs and comes back down with four?".

The young man, determined not to lose, gets out his laptop and searches all over the internet for an answered. Flustered and confused, the young man hand the blonde five hundred dollars.

After a few hours, the young man was itching to know the answer to the question."What was the answer to the riddle?" the blonde woman reached into her purse and handed the young man a five dollar bill.

A Great Way To Clean Your Toilet and Cat!

Great Directions here for a real clean toilet and cat!!! easy too!!!!

1. Lift both lids on your toilet bowl and add a couple of capfuls of shampoo to the water.


2. Go to the other room where the cat is sleeping, pick it up and soothe it while you carry it towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (You may need to stand on the lid, afterwards). The cat will self agitate and make ample suds.
(Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.)

4. Flush the toilet three or four times.
(This provides a "power-wash" and "rinse")

5. Have someone open the closest door to the outside (Be sure that no one is between the toilet and the outside door.)

6. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

7. The cat will rocket out of the toilet and run outside where it will dry itself. After this procedure, both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean!

Sincerely,
The Dog