Blonde Inventions

Some Inventions are simply better left uninvented:

Black highlighter

Waterproof tea bags

Braille driving manual

Dehydrated water

Screen door on a submarine

Helicopter ejection seat

Air conditioning for motorcycle

Left handed pencil

Wooden barbecue

Glow-in-the-dark sun dial

Gasoline fire extinguisher

Battery-powered battery charger

Clear correction fluid

Fake rhinestones

Fireproof matches

Glow-in-the-dark sunglasses

Mesh umbrella

Solar-powered flashlight

Top 15 Redneck Songs

15. If I Can’t Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You

14. If The Phone Don’t Ring, You’ll Know It’s Me

13. How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away?

12. I Liked You Better Before I Got to Know You So Well

11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim’s Gettin’ Better

10. I Wouldn’t Take Her To A Dog Fight ‘Cause I’m Afraid She’d Win

9. I’ll Marry You Tomorrow But Let’s Honeymoon Tonight

8. I’m So Miserable Without You It’s Like Having You Here

7. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To I’d Be Out Of Prison By Now

6. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him

5. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger

4. You’re The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

3. Her Teeth Was Stained But Her Heart Was Pure

2. She’s Looking Better After Every Beer

1. I Haven’t Gone To Bed With Any Ugly Women, but I’ve Sure As Hell Woke Up With A Few.

Redneck Joke-40 Things You won't hear a Redneck Say!

40. Oh I just couldn’t, she’s only sixteen.
39. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won’t fix that.
37. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.
36. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken.
35. We don’t keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can’t feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it’s just not safe.
30. Wrestling’s fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We’re vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I’ll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don’t need another dog.
24. Who gives a damn who won the Civil War?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin’ is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn’t find a thing at Walmart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I’ll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15. I’ve got it all on the C: drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
12. My fiancee, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany’s.
11. I’ve got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
9. Checkmate.
8. She’s too young to be wearing a bikini.
7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
6. Hey, here’s an episode of “Hee Haw” that we haven’t seen.
5. I don’t have a favorite college team.
4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
3. You All.
2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
1. Nope, no more for me. I’m drivin tonight.

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Blind Man's Blonde Joke

A blind man enters a lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender in a loud voice, "Hey bartender, you wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?"!!!
The bar immediately falls deathly quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir,
I think it is just fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things...
1 - The bartender is a blonde woman. 2 - The bouncer is a blonde woman. 3 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter. 4 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler, and 5 - I'm a 6 foot, 200 lb. blonde woman with a PhD., a black belt in karate and a very bad attitude!
Now think about it seriously, Mister.
Do you still want to tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and says; "Naaaah . . . not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Dumb Blonde Males-Jokes

Fishing Buddies
Two blonde fishing buddies rented a boat early one Saturday morning and headed out for a day on the lake. They both caught their limit and headed home to fried fish dinners. The next Saturday they decided to go fishing again.

"Did you mark the spot?" asked Blonde #1.

"Yup," said Blonde #2. "I put a big X on the bottom of the boat."

"You dummy!" said Blonde #1. "What if we don't get the same boat?"



Barking Dogs
A wife and her blonde husband were trying to sleep, but the next door neighbor's dog was barking. This had been going on for months. Every night, the dog barked for hours, robbing them of sleep.

Finally, the blonde says, "I've had enough. I'm going to do something about this." So he gets up, puts on his robe and goes down stairs and out the back door. A little while later, he comes back.

"What did you do? The dog's still barking," asks the wife.

"I put the dog in our back yard. Let's see how they like it."