Some funny xmas humor!
You Know You've Had Too Much Christmas Cheer When...
1. You notice your tie sticking out of your fly.
2. Someone uses your tongue for a coaster.
3. You start kissing the portraits on the wall.
4. You see your underwear hanging from the chandelier.
5. You have to hold on to the floor to keep from sliding off.
6. You strike a match and light your nose.
7. You take off your shoes and wade in the potato salad.
8. You hear someone say, "Call a priest!"
9. You hear a duck quacking and it's you.
10. You complain about the small bathroom after emerging from the closet.
11. You refill your glass from the fish bowl.
12. You tell everyone you have to go home... and the party's at your place.
13. You ask for another ice cube and put it in your pocket.
14. You yawn at the biggest bore in the room... and realize you're in front of the hall mirror.
15. You pick up a roll, and butter your watch.
16. You suggest everyone stand and sing the national budget.
17. You're at the dinner table and you ask the hostess to pass a bedpan.
18. You take out your handkerchief and blow your ear.
19. You tell your best joke to the rubber plant.
20. You realize you're the only one under the coffee table.
Friday
Tuesday
Funny Christmas Jokes
Question and Answer Christmas Jokes
Q: What do elves learn in school?
A: The Elf-abet!
Q: What's the most popular wine at Christmas?
A: "I don't like sprouts" !
Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
A: Missletoe!
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.
Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.
Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A: So he can ho-ho-ho.
Q: Where do polar bears vote?
A: The North Poll.
Q: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A: Ribbon hood.
Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter ?
A: Because it's to far to walk.
Q: What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?
A: Forty feet of track - all straight!
Q: What kind of bird can write?
A: A PENguin.
Thursday
Funny Xmas Jokes, Knock Knock Christmas Jokes
Knock-Knock
Who's There
Donut
Donut who?
Donut open until Christmas
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Mary
Mary who ?
Mary Christmas!
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Snow
Snow who ?
Snow business like show business!
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Holly
Holly who ?
Holly-days are here again!
Knock-Knock
Who's There
Igloo
Igloo who?
Igloo Santa, like I knew Santa...
Knock-Knock
Who's There
Avery
Avery who
Avery Merry-Christmas to you.
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Wenceslas
Wenceslas who ?
Wenceslas train home?
Knock-Knock
Who's There
Wayne
Wayne who?
Wayne in a Manger...
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Oakham
Oakham who ?
Oakham all ye faithfull...!
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Rudolph
Rudolph who ?
Money is the Rudolph of all evil!
What's red and white and gives presents to gazelles?
Santelope!
Whats happens to you at Christmas ?
Yule be happy!
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.
What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney?
Pour Santa flush on him.
Wednesday
Blonde Joke-Magic Mirror
Funny Blonde Joke
Magic Mirror
There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.
If you told a lie it would suck you in.
One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.
The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.
Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in.
Monday
Funny Blonde Joke-Yell for Help
Funny Blonde Joke-Yell for Help ----
Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out. They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out.
After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others "I think the best way to call for help is by yelling together."
The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly "Together, together, together."
Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out. They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out.
After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others "I think the best way to call for help is by yelling together."
The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly "Together, together, together."
Funny Redneck Jokes-01
Redneck Jokes-You might be a redneck if......
You might be a redneck if...
More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.
Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.
Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.
Your home has more miles on it than your car.
Wednesday
Funny Pic-dumb blondes racing
Funny Pic-dumb blondes racing....Add the Funny Pics to myspace and spread the Crazy Humor to myspace comments,profile,facebook,friendster,blog or website! Enjoy the fun pics!
[HTML1]
Labels:
Blonde Joke,
Blonde Jokes,
blondes,
Crazy,
dumb,
fun pics,
funny pic,
Humor,
myspace,
People,
racing
Sunday
Blonde Joke-I Want To Buy A TV
I Want to Buy A TV
A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.
The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.
Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.
To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.
The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"
The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)