Funny Christmas Jokes

Question and Answer Christmas Jokes

Q: What do elves learn in school?

A: The Elf-abet!

Q: What's the most popular wine at Christmas?

A: "I don't like sprouts" !

Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?

A: Missletoe!

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

A: Frostbite.

Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?

A: Because he had low elf esteem.

Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?

A: So he can ho-ho-ho.

Q: Where do polar bears vote?

A: The North Poll.

Q: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?

A: Ribbon hood.

Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter ?

A: Because it's to far to walk.

Q: What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?

A: Forty feet of track - all straight!

Q: What kind of bird can write?

A: A PENguin.

Yo Mama So Fat

Yo mamma so fat I took a picture of her last christmas and its still printing

Yo mamma so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of George Washington’s nose.

Yo mama so fat she’s got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book.

Yo mama so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.


Yo mama is so fat, she got arrested at the airport for ten pounds of crack

Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.

Yo mama so fat when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to land on her

Yo mama so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.

Yo mama so fat her beeper went off and people thought she was backing up.

Fail Black Friday

Fail Owned Babysitter

Fail motorcycle ride

Six riders one helmet, sweet.....

Funny Thanksgiving Quotes

Check out favorite quotes about Thanksgiving from comedians like Jon Stewart, Jim Gaffigan, Johnny Carson and more.
Jon Stewart: "I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land."
Jim Gaffigan: "Thanksgiving. It's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. 'Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?' 'But we do that every day!' 'Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?'"

Stephen Colbert: "Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car."

Kevin James: "Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants."